The latest heartbreaking journal entries made by the late DJ Avicii before his suicide in 2018 have been published ahead of an upcoming book about his life.
The music lover’s many rehab journal entries and hospitalizations hint at the heartbreaking demons the star wrestled with in his later years.
SEE ABOVE how The Royal Place in Stockholm mourns the late DJ Avicii
Avicii, born Tim Bergling, committed suicide while on vacation in Muscat, Oman, on April 20, 2018, two years after walking away from the limelight to fight his substance abuse. He was 28 years old.
The journal entries Tim wrote before his death have been included in Måns Mosesson’s next book, Tim – The official biography of Avicii, which will be released on January 18, 2022.
Måns obtained the personal inputs from Tim’s parents, Anki and Klas Bergling, and also interviewed family, friends, exes, peers and colleagues who worked with the late star.
Klas previously recounted how Tim had to adjust to the DJ lifestyle of playing turntables in clubs, something that didn’t fit his “reserved way.”
To cope with the attention and lifestyle, the star turned to drink.
The journal entries document what happened after the DJ was hospitalized in 2012 after developing pancreatitis, which doctors linked to his excessive drinking habits and his dependence on acne medications.
“I had a hard time accepting never to drink again, although all the doctors strongly suggested that I wait at least a year before I had a beer,” began a journal entry Tim wrote.
“Of course, I didn’t listen to most of the doctors, I listened to the couple who said it was okay if I was careful. He was ignorant and naive and he was touring the world, still on the endless tour, because once you’ve taken it for a spin, guess what? Start over again.
“Those days in the hospital were the most stress-free and anxious days I can remember in the last 6 years, those were my real vacations, as depressing as they may sound.”
The hospital and rehab staff reportedly encouraged Tim to practice journaling, with the DJ later admitting that he enjoyed it.
But after his hospitalization, the DJ became dependent on prescription painkillers.
Three years later, Tim checked into a rehabilitation center in Ibiza after a family intervention around this dependency.
In previous statements to the Sunday Times, Tim’s father recounted the moment the family acted.
“It was one of the worst moments of my life because you really feel that you have betrayed your son. But it had to be done, ”Klas said.
During his stay, Tim wrote, “I needed to have it explained to me in a very logical, caveman-like way so I could really understand its nature and how it was harming me.”
‘There are too many more urgent pains present to treat’
“Oh, pain. Why my pain now? Feeling unwell …
“Future Tim deals with pain. The Tim of the future handles pain better than the Tim of today because there are already too many pains present that are more urgent to deal with, ”he wrote.
Later, Tim turned to meditation as a way to fight his demons.
By 2018, he was focusing on the work of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, whose practice involves reaching the deepest state of enlightenment to end suffering.
In his journal, Tim wrote: “It feels like I’m in a new predetermined mode that is very new and a little scary. I felt the fears of the past few days wreak havoc on me, but I remember the advice to focus on my breathing. “
While Tim was recommended to practice meditation for 20 minutes at a time, Tim was reported to be meditating for hours to reach the stage of “enlightenment” faster.
During the unfortunate vacation in Oman, a fellow traveler Tim had met contacted his father and expressed concern for his son’s well-being.
He was reportedly troubled by Avicii’s meditation habit, stating that he cried, did not speak, refused to eat, and sat in the sun for hours.
It was this same traveler who later called Tim’s father again with the news that his son had taken his own life.
The troubled DJ’s final messages included one that read heartbreakingly, “Soul shedding is the last attachment before it reboots!”
If you need help in a crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
For more information on depression, contact Beyond Blue at 1300 224 636 or talk to your GP, local healthcare professional, or someone you trust.