How to recognize birds even if they don’t give their name

Read the bird’s name tag when he’s not looking. Wait patiently before each bird conference and you’re sure to catch a coveted glimpse of a Sharpie-scribbled nameplate. Write down your findings as soon as possible. Then all you have to do is find a bird translator to decipher them. What’s the best way to find a good bird translator? As with most trades, word of mouth!

Look for self-identifying clothing. Birds love name-centered prey. A common gift among pubescent female birds is a name necklace. Fortunately for you, teenage birds are easily distracted. (That’s not sexist because they’re birds.) This is the perfect opportunity to read a bird’s name while the sun glistens on the gold-colored metal of its necklace. Male birds, meanwhile, often wear little bird jackets embroidered with their names.

Overhear birds talking. Sure, you don’t speak Bird, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get information from bird talks. Watch out for bird greetings as these may include a name. Replicate the name sound and see if the bird turns and looks at you. If so, you probably said the bird’s name. Either that, or you just yelled at a few birds a swear word, which they are used to. Win win.

Just ask. Although birds are suspicious of people and usually do not cooperate when it comes to being identified, you never know what mood a bird may be in. Sometimes walking up to a bird and asking for its name will prove successful. Remember – birds are notoriously jealous. If you flirt with the wrong bird, you could be pecked to death by his partner. And if you try to explain that you just love bird watching, they will think you are a real pervert!

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